I am a people-pleaser. Naturally, I want there to be wins for all involved in any situation.
I am also a serious opportunist with an appetite for opportunity.
Those two characteristics together equate to me saying, “yes,” to just about anything and everything thrown my direction. As I strive to battle against my own self-doubt and lead a more focused path towards the completion of my goals and growth into the human I want to be, I need to learn to say, “no.”
The act of saying no for people like you and me can be difficult.
We want to please. We want to be selfless. We want to be helpful.
But, think about how many times you’ve said, “yes,” and regretted it. Think about the negative impact that’s had on both you and the person or opportunity you’ve said, “yes,” too.
Don’t take it from me, take it from Tony Robbins:
“Being unable to say “no” is not only unfair to ourselves, but it can be unfair to the other person as well. Disregarding our own feelings and needs seems like the unselfish thing to do. After all, we are taught to give, not take. But, just because it’s easier to say “yes” doesn’t mean we should. Think about times when you’ve agreed to do something, be it in your professional or personal life, and later resented yourself or the person who asked you for something later. How did that make you feel? Didn’t you wish you could go back in time and tap into your right to say no?”
I’m-super grateful for my wife, who recommended I choose, “Say no,” as my New Year’s Resolution. I’ve been able to clear space in my ever-busy head and am proud to say I’m focused on the right things.
The power in it is incredible. Saying no as a long-term strategy effectively, says “Yes” to the things that truly matter to me.
My wife.
My children.
My goals.
My growth.
But, how do you go from people-pleaser to a confident, “No-Man?”
Here is a how-to guide from Entrepreneur:
How to say no.
- Be quick. Tell the person you can’t do it, and politely decline right away. That way you don’t hold up anyone else’s plans.
- Be honest. Explain that you have other commitments and can’t make it.
- Suggest an alternative. Name another person who might be able to take your place.
- Ask for a raincheck. Sometimes we really do want to do something but just don’t have the time right then. Make a plan for the future so you still show good faith.
Like most personal growth goals and resolutions, committing is only half the battle. I’ve been using a system to ensure I’m confidently and accurately saying no and perhaps this framework can work for you.
Here are the questions I’ve asked myself whether or not I should be saying “no”:
1.) Will this thing/opportunity/commitment help me achieve my personal goals?
2.) If I say, “yes,” how will this thing/opportunity/commitment interfere with me achieving my goals?
3.) If I say, “yes,” who will this thing/opportunity/commitment negatively impact?
If the answers to those questions do not align with your personal goals and core values, saying “no” is the right call.
